I Never Believed
by Mrs.Bones23
Summary: 'I never believed in life after death. I knew I would die someday, and I never thought for a moment a werewolf would go to heaven' Remus John Lupin is laid on Hogwarts Battlefield, dying, these are his thoughts. Rated high for safety, only one swear.


I never believed in life after death. I knew I would die someday, and I never thought for a moment a werewolf would go to heaven. What I had seen throughout my life had made me question if there really was a God. I think I was always too logical to believe. One thing I did hope was that I would see those I loved when I died. I would be with them again. James, Sirius, all of them. I knew if there was a God. He would grant us that. I never hoped all those who thought of me as filth would suffer; I just wanted them to understand, to see why they were wrong.

Sirius would often tell me those people were idiots who were small – minded. Thought he didn't use the word idiots, normally bastards, but if he was really angry he would call them much worse. Both him and James understood as soon as I told them, they never thought of me any differently. They even protected me from the people who spat on me and called me dirt and much worse. I tried not to let it get to me, but every cruel word, every kick, every punch, everything they did sliced through my weak armour.

I want to say that there was always someone there for me, but there were times when I was alone. It wasn't their fault, it was mine. Around the full moon I would get angry and sometimes snapped and shouted at them. Of course they understood why, but it still hurt them, maybe even more than it hurt me. One month, three days before the full moon, I shouted at Nymphadora, she knew why, but it still hurt her, I could hear her crying.

"_Sweetheart I'm" – _

_She stopped me._

"_I know Remus, I understand, I'm sorry I shouldn't let it get to me"_

"_You __**never **__have to apologise to me. Nothing you say can be wrong" I replied, a tear running down my face. I hugged her tightly, murmuring apologies and excuses into her hair. _

That moment was when I knew I was truly in love with her, I knew we had an unbreakable bond, but then I knew, no other person would matter as much as she did, there was no other in this World or the next that would make me feel like she did. It was her that changed my opinions on everything, destiny, fate, true love, eternal happiness, she gave me all those, and so much more. There are memories in my life that I will never forget. From our school years (I never thought I deserved such good friends) to the first time I kissed Nymphadora (I _**definitely **_didn't deserve her).

My hands are cold, my body's numb, my head is pounding, my vision blurred as I lay here, amongst the Hogwarts Battlefield, bleeding and dying, I thought about my life, about the good and the bad, and I was so grateful for those who gave me all the good in my life, and I prayed when the darkness took me I would see them again, I prayed with all that was left in my heart. I moved my head to one side, and looked at all the bodies lying around me when a hand touches mine.

_Nymphadora._

She's laid near me, her hand outstretched, her fingers grazing mine. I drag myself along the ground until I'm in her arms, and my tears are falling into her beautiful hair and her bloody shoulder, while hers are soaking into my torn robes, the coolness soothing my wounds.

"**Y-You're n-not alone. I'll be seeing y-you r-real soon" **I tremble.

She looks up into my eyes and kisses my cut lips, grasping and holding me to her body until we look like one person. When her eyes close, her head is on my chest and her arms are wrapped tightly round me, not letting go.

For most people, they will never know what it feels like to be so sad, so _distraught, so destroyed _that they cannot even cry, they cannot move, they cannot breath. They don't _want _to live. But I did. I felt it then, and it was the last thing I felt in that life.

I never believed in life after death. Though I wished I had. Instead I waited for the blackness to come. And it did. It ended the pain as I held tightly to my Nymphadora.

I thank those who made my life so great. And hope I see them again someday.


End file.
